That felt good! Last night Chris and I had one of our pastor's over for dinner and we talked about our relationship with Chris' parents. As most of you know and as I have mentioned here and there on this blog that it's not the greatest! We talked a lot about how Chris parents are victims and pretty much have led that lead their entire lives, it's always someone else's problem or someone else did it not you.
To make a long story short Chris and I for a long time will be holding our hand at guard to them, we need to. If they are rude, we will let them know. We have to call them on things because for so many years we have not and it's just gotten worse and worse and well it's just not healthy! We eventually will talk to them but when is the question-we just don't know and that's really okay with us. Time is what we need right now. We used to feel bad that we weren't talking to them or seeing them because of the kids but if you take the kids out of the picture we really could care less when we will see them again. That's how bad the relationship is!!! It sucks but it is the reality of it all. Braden knows his grandparents and Alexa she doesn't but she's only 8 1/2 months old. Sadly Braden hardly asks about them not because we have the issues we do with them but just because he hardly sees them and I think for him at the age of almost 4 it's if you can't see it it's not there type of thing. At least that's how Chris and I see it. We will mention them time and time to Braden but we don't go into detail and our feelings about them. If Braden asks about them I tell him with my feelings aside- you have to for the kids sake they will make their own decision about their Grandparents one day without my help.
So Chris' assignment is to write a letter to his mom and dad that he won't be sending but for him as a therapeutic practice. Chris is actually looking forward to this from what I can see. I think it's going to really help him get all is anger and frustration out that he has with his parents because believe me people he's got LOTS!!!
C. the Pastor, was really helpful to us last night I think it was the fact that he's actually been through this himself with his own mom and that he can lend an outsiders perspective on it all. He was talking about how it's okay to not have a relationship with them right now and that you really have to do what' s best for yourself, your relationship with one another as husband and wife and for the kids. Right now not talking to them and digesting this all is what's best for us all Chris has better focus when he doesn't have his parents in his life, sad but true!
Right now we are too emotional to talk to them but one day we will be ready and when that time comes we will have the set rules where our relationship will go. Now, they may not like it but that's okay but it will be the way it's going to be. For us as a couple and parents to our two wonderful children we have to be this way.
To make a long story short Chris and I for a long time will be holding our hand at guard to them, we need to. If they are rude, we will let them know. We have to call them on things because for so many years we have not and it's just gotten worse and worse and well it's just not healthy! We eventually will talk to them but when is the question-we just don't know and that's really okay with us. Time is what we need right now. We used to feel bad that we weren't talking to them or seeing them because of the kids but if you take the kids out of the picture we really could care less when we will see them again. That's how bad the relationship is!!! It sucks but it is the reality of it all. Braden knows his grandparents and Alexa she doesn't but she's only 8 1/2 months old. Sadly Braden hardly asks about them not because we have the issues we do with them but just because he hardly sees them and I think for him at the age of almost 4 it's if you can't see it it's not there type of thing. At least that's how Chris and I see it. We will mention them time and time to Braden but we don't go into detail and our feelings about them. If Braden asks about them I tell him with my feelings aside- you have to for the kids sake they will make their own decision about their Grandparents one day without my help.
So Chris' assignment is to write a letter to his mom and dad that he won't be sending but for him as a therapeutic practice. Chris is actually looking forward to this from what I can see. I think it's going to really help him get all is anger and frustration out that he has with his parents because believe me people he's got LOTS!!!
C. the Pastor, was really helpful to us last night I think it was the fact that he's actually been through this himself with his own mom and that he can lend an outsiders perspective on it all. He was talking about how it's okay to not have a relationship with them right now and that you really have to do what' s best for yourself, your relationship with one another as husband and wife and for the kids. Right now not talking to them and digesting this all is what's best for us all Chris has better focus when he doesn't have his parents in his life, sad but true!
Right now we are too emotional to talk to them but one day we will be ready and when that time comes we will have the set rules where our relationship will go. Now, they may not like it but that's okay but it will be the way it's going to be. For us as a couple and parents to our two wonderful children we have to be this way.
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